Growing up, the only thing I ever wanted to do was to be a teacher.  I loved my subject, English, and knew I wanted a career which gave me the opportunity to continue to read and discuss, think and learn, and also to convey my enthusiasm for my subject to others.  As a child I had played ‘school’ with dolls, and with friends, and had always taken the teacher role.  Following my English degree I completed a PGCE, found teaching practice challenging but stimulating, and was thrilled to secure a job teaching English in a very good comprehensive school in the north west where I worked for a great Head of Department within a supportive team.

And I found the first year really tough.  I seemed to be working so hard, and yet didn’t find the job as satisfying and rewarding as I expected.  I had so much to learn, I made mistakes, I felt exhausted.  I wasted a lot of time on unproductive marking, I think – see this – and worried that one day I would wake up and find I had completely run out of ideas.  In those days – pre-National Curriculum, pre-GCSE and coursework, it seemed that teachers generally worked in isolation.  My Head of Department was great, but she pretty much left me to it.  There was little observation or feedback, and I don’t remember observing anyone else teach in that first year.  Someone from the Local Authority came in to see me teach twice, just to make sure the pupils weren’t swinging from the light fittings I think, but no one contributed to my professional learning.  CPD wasn’t ‘a thing’ at that stage.  This was even prior to Inset Days.  The first day of each term was the day the students came back.

Suddenly I had to examine whether this really was the job I was cut out for.  I had never seriously considered anything else.  But I couldn’t imagine staying in this profession for forty years if this is how much it took out of me and how little it seemed to be giving back.  So at Christmas I made a decision.  If I felt exactly the same by Easter,  I would hand in my resignation then and spend time in the summer term finding a different job for the autumn.   I didn’t know what else was out there, but I would have to find out.  As soon as I decided this, I felt better – there was light at the end of the tunnel and I wasn’t going to go on feeling tired and miserable for ever.  I had a choice.

In fact, as the year progressed I did feel better – a little more confident, a little more relaxed.  I had some successes with my more challenging classes and that was reassuring.  The days grew longer and the sun shone.  I became involved in the extra-curricular life of the school (going on D of E weekends, helping at the school disco, supporting my House in the swimming gala) and enjoyed that.  By Easter I decided I needed at least to stay into my second year, and my second year was considerably easier than my first – for one thing, my new classes didn’t seem to try to ‘test’ me – as if they had heard from other pupils that I was OK.  My self-belief grew as my experience built.

I stayed in teaching for thirty years, working in six schools.  I was internally promoted in my first school to a pastoral role, from which I learnt a huge amount, and then I moved to become second in English, then Head of English, Head of Sixth Form, Deputy Head and finally Head.  I had a great career and loved all my jobs and all my schools – there were far more good days than difficult ones, and far more positive experiences than negative ones.  But I still remember vividly how I felt in that first term, and how close I came to walking away from the profession at that early stage.

So I would never be dismissive of teachers who have doubts that teaching is for them, or that they are cut out for the job, but I would advise this:

• Set yourself a time limit, as I did, and make a decision about the point at which you will definitely decide whether to stay in your current role, or to leave it.
• Consider, before you leave the profession, trying a change of school.  A fresh start in a new place, with a little more experience behind you, may be all you need to make a more positive beginning.  Sometimes you need to experience a different style of leadership, too.
• Think also about a change of context.  What about a change of phase?  I know a number of teachers who have moved between primary, secondary and Further Education, and found a different phase suits them better.  I know others who have changed sectors, or changed countries, and rediscovered their enthusiasm for teaching and their faith in their capacity to make a success of it.

I am very pleased that I did stick with it – I found my thirty years in schools energising and rewarding, and especially enjoyed my ten years as a head.  I have loved the time since I finished as a head, too: still involved in the world of education but with a different balance in my life now I am in my seventh decade… I wrote about #lifeafter full time working here.

I hope this post may be helpful to some of you.  Thanks for reading.

Photo credit: John Berry.  We loved San Diego….